The modern versions of “I’m afraid of commitment” and “It’s not you, it’s me。”

分手時(shí)爛大街的話 “我害怕承諾”以及“不是你的問(wèn)題，是我的”，現(xiàn)在有了與時(shí)俱進(jìn)的新版本：

1. “I feel like we’re moving too fast。”

“我覺(jué)得我們節(jié)奏太快了點(diǎn)。”

If a person says this and then suggests slowing down a little bit (maybe seeing/texting each other less during the week or whatever) then they are probably reacting accordingly to things getting serious more quickly than they’d like。

如果一個(gè)人說(shuō)這句話，并希望能夠慢下來(lái)(比如一周只見(jiàn)面或聯(lián)系一次等等諸如此類)，有這種做法的人往往覺(jué)得這段感情變認(rèn)真的速度超出了他們的想象。

Fine! Understandable! If a person says this and then suggests no longer seeing each other at all (or [ugh] “taking a break”) then they’ve realized that they are no longer interested in this budding relationship but would rather end on infuriatingly open-ended terms than risk confrontation。

好吧!可以理解!如果有人這么說(shuō)，并且建議大家最近不要見(jiàn)面(或者說(shuō)，“休息一下”)，那么他們應(yīng)該已經(jīng)意識(shí)到對(duì)這段感情不再那么感興趣，希望能順其自然的結(jié)束甚至不用冒著面對(duì)面分手的風(fēng)險(xiǎn)。

2. “I don’t want to hurt you。”

“我不想傷害你”。

This one is baffling because there exists a vast middle ground between “being in a relationship and hurting someone” and “not being in a relationship and not hurting someone。” Part of it is “being in a relationship and not hurting someone”!

這個(gè)比較麻煩，因?yàn)樵?ldquo;談戀愛(ài)傷害對(duì)方” 和“不在一起不傷害對(duì)方” 之間有一個(gè)巨大的灰色地帶。因?yàn)橐部梢?ldquo;在一起但不傷害對(duì)方” 啊!

So it’s strange that the person using this line thinks that the person being dumped doesn’t understand this? No one who hears this feels grateful for their feelings being spared. They might feel grateful for avoiding dating a turd。

所以那些說(shuō)這句臺(tái)詞的人，難道意識(shí)不到被甩的那一方不明白這個(gè)道理么?沒(méi)有哪個(gè)被甩的人會(huì)因?yàn)槁?tīng)到這句話對(duì)你的體貼感激涕零。他們只會(huì)慶幸沒(méi)有繼續(xù)跟渣人浪費(fèi)時(shí)間。

3. “I’m not looking for a relationship。”

“我沒(méi)有想認(rèn)真談戀愛(ài)。”

On its own, this is a completely valid statement. Not everyone is looking for a relationship, and sometimes people who are both looking for relationships are actually looking for different ones! Different strokes, you know?

從這句話本身來(lái)說(shuō)，這完全是一個(gè)有效的聲明。不是每個(gè)人都在尋求戀情，有時(shí)候那些尋求戀情的只是在找不同的玩伴而已!不同的刺激，懂了么?

But it is without a doubt the worst kind of person who says they aren’t looking for a relationship, allows the other person to walk away feeling like they experienced an honest and amicable parting of ways with a decent human whom they will think of fondly, and then announces their new relationship on Facebook three days later。

毫無(wú)疑問(wèn)，這種說(shuō)自己沒(méi)有想談戀愛(ài)的這群人，往往會(huì)讓其他人覺(jué)得他們正跟無(wú)比喜歡的紳士經(jīng)歷了真誠(chéng)和平的分手，結(jié)果三天后又在社交網(wǎng)絡(luò)公布了自己的新戀情。

4. “I’m just so fucked up right now。”

“我現(xiàn)在真的心力交瘁。”

Hahaha OK, one second, because our eyes will literally never stop rolling. Sure, maybe it’s true. Maybe this person is “so fucked up。” But first of all, WHO ISN’T? And second of all, maybe stop? “So fucked up” isn’t a fixed trait. It’s like the person who says, “I know I’m late all the time, but that’s just me!” An acknowledgment isn’t the end of the conversation. Being late all the time is rude. This statement means nothing. Stop doing it。

哈哈，好，一秒鐘休息，我們的眼睛從來(lái)不會(huì)停止轉(zhuǎn)動(dòng)。當(dāng)然，也許這是真的。也許這個(gè)人真的“心力交瘁”，但首先，誰(shuí)不是這樣呢?其次，能停下來(lái)么?“心力交瘁”不是一個(gè)可以修復(fù)的特征。就好像一個(gè)人說(shuō)“我知道我每次都遲到，但這就是我!' 自我承認(rèn)不能作為對(duì)話的結(jié)束，每次都遲到就是不禮貌的表現(xiàn)。這種說(shuō)辭無(wú)濟(jì)于事。所以省省吧。

5. “I don’t deserve you。”

“我配不上你。”

This one is so sneakily manipulative, because it seems like it’s about how you, as the person being dropped, are an untouchable god among men (which, maybe you are!) but in reality it’s about how the other person is working through a martyr complex. It might even lead to the most absurd of scenarios, in which the dumpee actually comforts the dumper!

這句話其實(shí)暗含玄機(jī)，這看起來(lái)說(shuō)的是你，這個(gè)被甩的人，如何遙不可及如神般存在(也許你真的是這樣!)但實(shí)際上，只是別人用來(lái)脫身的妙招罷了。這還可能會(huì)出現(xiàn)最荒唐的情景，被拋棄的人反過(guò)來(lái)安慰拋棄者!

We would never condemn insecurity, but if a person is truly interested in pursuing a relationship with someone who intimidates them, they’ll just do what everyone else does (i.e., lie about how smart/funny/interesting they are until they reach a level of comfort at which they can drop it)

我們從來(lái)不會(huì)怪責(zé)無(wú)安全感，但如果一個(gè)人真的認(rèn)真去追求那個(gè)讓他魂?duì)繅?mèng)繞的另一半，他們做的和一般人無(wú)差(比如，把自己夸的多聰明/有趣/有意思，直到他們覺(jué)得火候已到才會(huì)展現(xiàn)出真實(shí)模樣。)

6. “I’m just really busy right now。”

“我現(xiàn)在真的很忙。”

Nobody who was ever genuinely interested in someone, and in carrying out a relationship with that person, lost interest because he or she had too many meetings that week. “I’m too busy” is an often aggravating, self-important way of expressing something that isn’t wrong or illegitimate to feel — if you’d rather not spend any of your free time with someone, that’s OK and good to know. But that’s about the person, not about the other obligations. Also: Literally everyone thinks they’re really busy right now。

沒(méi)有一個(gè)真正喜歡別人并且發(fā)展著一段戀情的人，會(huì)因?yàn)檫@周有太多會(huì)議而失去對(duì)ta的興趣。“我太忙了”就是用這種惱人且自尊自大的方式來(lái)表達(dá)事情沒(méi)出問(wèn)題，感覺(jué)沒(méi)有變化——如果你空閑時(shí)間都不愿意和某人相處，沒(méi)問(wèn)題，知道也無(wú)妨。這畢竟跟人有關(guān)，而非某個(gè)規(guī)定制度。所以，每個(gè)人都會(huì)覺(jué)得自己現(xiàn)在很忙啊。

7. “I’m just bad at this stuff。”

“我真的不擅長(zhǎng)處理感情問(wèn)題。”

This is one of many self-pitying breakup cliches that sound like admissions of personal failure, but aren’t — a close cousin of “I’m so fucked up right now,” “I’m just bad at this stuff” romanticizes flaws like inability to communicate, manage one’s time, and treat other people with respect。

分手的時(shí)候這算是最常聽(tīng)見(jiàn)的陳詞濫調(diào)之一，好像是對(duì)自己人生失敗的一種總結(jié)，實(shí)際不是——這句話的姊妹篇就是“我現(xiàn)在真的心力交瘁”，“我不擅長(zhǎng)處理感情問(wèn)題” 把那些不善交際、無(wú)法合理安排時(shí)間、不懂尊重別人等等缺點(diǎn)給美化了。

It’s one thing to realize you’ve got some things you want to work on, alone, but it’s another to use that recognition as a free pass to flail around helplessly. Being “bad at stuff” isn’t just about the person who says it — it also affects the person who has to deal with it。

意識(shí)到自己有想做的事情是一回事，同時(shí)，把這句話當(dāng)成是可以不負(fù)責(zé)任的說(shuō)辭是另外一回事。“不擅長(zhǎng)處理感情” 已經(jīng)跟說(shuō)這話的人無(wú)關(guān)了——也會(huì)影響那個(gè)跟你在一起的人啊。

8. “I still care about you。”

“我還是關(guān)心你的。”

This one very much DEPENDS, of course, but saying TOO many nice or seemingly romantic things during a breakup can be confusing. Compliments don’t soften the blow, they twist the knife. If you extoll the other person’s virtues for too long, in too much depth, they’re bound to wonder why, then, you don’t want to be together。

這句話要分情況，當(dāng)然，在分手的時(shí)候說(shuō)太多好聽(tīng)或者浪漫的話會(huì)讓人誤會(huì)。贊美也無(wú)法緩解分離，他們只是把刀弄的沒(méi)有那么鋒利罷了。如果你不懂贊美別人的美德，深深的贊美，他們就會(huì)去懷疑為什么，懷疑也許你是想分手了吧。

It’s obviously OK to hope you can make peace with an ex, but don’t throw out the “I still care about you” line just because you think it’ll make a breakup easier to swallow。

當(dāng)然你跟前任做朋友也完全沒(méi)問(wèn)題，但不要丟下諸如 “我還是關(guān)心你的” 這樣的話，哪怕你覺(jué)得這話說(shuō)出來(lái)能減輕分手的痛苦。

9. “I just wish we’d met a few years from now。”

“我多希望我們?cè)琰c(diǎn)遇見(jiàn)。”

And we wish teleportation were real, and that it was eating brownies and not celery that burned more calories than those ingested, and that Lance Bass had been allowed to go to space. But what would the world be like if any of those things were true? We will never know!!! Just like we don’t know what it means to wish “we’d met a few years from now。” Why are you so convinced you’ll have your shit together by then? That seems overly optimistic。

我們也希望能瞬間移動(dòng)，吃布朗寧的時(shí)候會(huì)消耗而非吸收更多的卡路里，蘭斯·貝斯被允許進(jìn)入太空。如果我們希望的都能實(shí)現(xiàn)，這個(gè)世界會(huì)變成什么模樣?我們永遠(yuǎn)也不會(huì)知道!就好像我們永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)知道“多希望我們?cè)鐜啄暧鲆?jiàn)” 意味著什么一樣。你憑什么這么相信那時(shí)候我們也能在一起?這也太過(guò)于樂(lè)觀了吧。

小編注：Lance Bass 美國(guó)男子團(tuán)體“超級(jí)男孩” 成員，公開(kāi)出柜。曾因接受宇航員訓(xùn)練而成為新聞?lì)^條，但最終沒(méi)能獲得足夠贊助飛往太空。

10. “[Nothing]” / Ghosting

“一言不發(fā)”/消失

Ghosting, or completely disappearing on someone you’ve been dating for any length of time over a week, is completely gross and totally indefensible. It’s thoughtless, lazy, and cruel, and don’t let your self-excusing lizard brain tell you otherwise。

另一半玩消失或是徹底失蹤一周以上真的讓人覺(jué)得惱火且無(wú)法招架。這完全欠考慮、偷懶和殘忍，也不讓你能理智的分析思考。

You know what is the easiest thing to do in the entire world? Texting someone. It has literally never been easier to break up with someone in five seconds. If you can’t bring your sad self to do ANYTHING else, say SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Anything on this list is better than nothing。

你知道這個(gè)世界最簡(jiǎn)單的事情是什么嗎?那就是給別人發(fā)短信�？梢栽谖迕腌娭畠�(nèi)簡(jiǎn)單跟別人說(shuō)分手。如果你不能給自己找到任何理由，那就說(shuō)些什么，任何東西。上面九句話中的任何一句也好過(guò)你一聲不吭玩失蹤。