Not guilty

無(wú)罪

Customs Officers are quite tolerant these days, but they can still stop you when you are going through the Green Channel and have nothing to declare. Even really honest people are often made to feel guilty. The hardened professional smuggler, on the other hand, is never troubled by such feelings, even if he has five hundred gold watches hidden in his suitcase. When I returned form abroad recently, a particularly officious young Customs Officer clearly regarded me as a smuggler.

'Have you anything to declare?' he asked, looking me in the eye.

'No', I answered confidently.

'Would you mind unlocking this suitcase please?'

'Not at all,' I answered.

The Officer went through the case with great care. All the thing I had packed so carefully were soon in a dreadful mess. I felt sure I would never be able to close the case again. Suddenly, I saw the Officer's face light up. He had spotted a tiny bottle at the bottom of my case and he pounced on it with delight.

'Perfume, eh?' he asked sarcastically. 'You should have declared that. Perfume is not exempt from import duty.'

'But it isn't perfume,' I said. 'It's hair gel.' Then I added with a smile, 'It's a strange mixture I make myself.'

As I expected, he did not believe me.

'Try it!' I said encouragingly.

The officer unscrewed the cap and put the bottle to his nostrils. He was greeted by an unpleasant smell which convinced him that I was telling the truth. A few minutes later, I was able to hurry away with precious chalk marks on my baggage.

現(xiàn)在的海關(guān)官員往往相當(dāng)寬容。但是，當(dāng)你通過(guò)綠色通道，沒(méi)有任何東西需要申報(bào)時(shí)，他們?nèi)钥梢詳r住你。甚至是最誠(chéng)實(shí)的人也常弄得覺(jué)得有罪似的，而老練的職業(yè)走私犯卻使手提箱里藏著500只金表，卻也處之泰然。最近一次，我也出國(guó)歸來(lái)，碰上一位特別好管閑事的年輕海關(guān)官員，他顯然把我當(dāng)成走私犯。

“您有什么需要申報(bào)的嗎?”他直盯著我的眼睛問(wèn)。

“沒(méi)有。”我自信地回答說(shuō)。

“請(qǐng)打開(kāi)這只手提箱好嗎?”

“好的。”我回答說(shuō)。

那位官員十分仔細(xì)地把箱子檢查了一遍。所有細(xì)心包裝好的東西一會(huì)兒工夫就亂成一團(tuán)。我相信那箱子再也關(guān)不上了。突然，我看到官員臉上露出了得意的神色。他在我的箱底發(fā)現(xiàn)了一只小瓶，高興地一把抓了起來(lái)。

“香水，嗯?”他譏諷地說(shuō)道，“你剛才應(yīng)該申報(bào)，香水要上進(jìn)口稅的。”

“不，這不是香水，”我說(shuō)，“是發(fā)膠。”接著我臉帶微笑補(bǔ)充說(shuō)：“這是一種我自己配制的奇特的混合物。”

“你就聞一聞吧!”我催促說(shuō)。

海關(guān)官員擰開(kāi)瓶蓋，把瓶子放到鼻子底下。一股怪味襲來(lái)，使他相信了我說(shuō)的真話。幾分鐘后，我終于被放行，手提劃著寶貴的粉筆記號(hào)的行李，匆匆離去。

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