Some people, regardless of what they lack—money, looks, or social connections—always radiate with energy and confidence. Even the most skeptical individuals find themselves enamored with these charming personalities。
有些人，無(wú)論他們是否缺乏豐厚的財(cái)富，還是光鮮亮麗的外表，抑或是強(qiáng)大的人脈，他們都總是散發(fā)著精力充沛，自信心滿滿的氣場(chǎng)。甚至是最吹毛求疵的人，都發(fā)現(xiàn)他們已經(jīng)中了這些迷人個(gè)性的毒了。
These people are the life of every party. They’re the ones you turn to for help, advice, and companionship。
這些人是每一個(gè)群體的生命力所在，也是你愿意尋找?guī)兔Γ髑蠼ㄗh和建立合作關(guān)系的對(duì)象。
You just can’t get enough of them, and they leave you asking yourself, "What do they have that I don’t? What makes them so irresistible?"
你就是無(wú)法抗拒他們，并且他們的存在還會(huì)讓你情不自禁地問自己：“到底他們有些什么東西是我沒有的?為什么他們?nèi)绱俗屓藷o(wú)法抗拒?”
The difference? Their sense of self-worth comes from within。
你們的區(qū)別是什么?答案是，他們由內(nèi)而外的自我價(jià)值感。
Irresistible people aren’t constantly searching for validation, because they’re confident enough to find it in themselves. There are certain habits they pursue every day to maintain this healthy perspective。
有魅力的人并不常常需要?jiǎng)e人的肯定，因?yàn)樗麄兊淖孕抛阋宰屗麄儚淖陨碚业匠删透小Ｋ麄兌加忻刻鞛橹Φ淖非�，以保持健康的心態(tài)。
Since being irresistible isn’t the result of dumb luck, it’s time to study the habits of irresistible people so that you can use them to your benefit。
當(dāng)你意識(shí)到這種迷人的個(gè)性并不是天上掉下的餡餅，那么你就應(yīng)該從這些散發(fā)迷人魅力的人身上好好學(xué)習(xí)他們的習(xí)慣了，還能為己所用呢。
Get ready to say “hello” to a new, more irresistible you。
準(zhǔn)備跟一個(gè)全新的，更迷人的你說(shuō)聲“你好”吧。
1.They treat everyone with respect。
1. 無(wú)論是誰(shuí)，同等尊重。
Whether interacting with their biggest client or a server taking their drink order, irresistible people are unfailingly polite and respectful. They understand that—no matter how nice they are to the person they’re having lunch with—it’s all for naught if that person witnesses them behaving badly toward someone else. Irresistible people treat everyone with respect because they believe they’re no better than anyone else。
無(wú)論是與最位高權(quán)重的客戶打交道，還是給服務(wù)員下餐單，萬(wàn)人迷總能一視同仁地保持禮貌和尊重。他們很清楚地知道，無(wú)論他們多么的友善地對(duì)待一同就餐的伙伴，如果讓對(duì)方看到了你對(duì)其他人卻是頤指氣使，那么這一切將會(huì)是徒勞無(wú)功的。有魅力的人對(duì)待每個(gè)人都是那么的尊重有禮，因?yàn)樗麄冋J(rèn)為每個(gè)人都是平等的。
2.They follow the platinum rule。
2. 遵守“白金法則”。
The Golden Rule—treat others as you want to be treated—has a fatal flaw: it assumes that all people want to be treated the same way. It ignores that people are motivated by vastly different things. One person loves public recognition, while another loathes being the center of attention。
“黃金法則”指的是：對(duì)待他人如同你自己想被對(duì)待的樣子，但這有一個(gè)致命的缺陷：因?yàn)檫@認(rèn)為所有人都希望以同樣的方式對(duì)待。這就忽略了人隨事情而變的關(guān)鍵了。因?yàn)樵谀骋环N情況下他希望獲得公眾的關(guān)注，而在別的場(chǎng)合則不想成為關(guān)注的焦點(diǎn)。
The Platinum Rule—treat others as they want to be treated—corrects that flaw. Irresistible people are great at reading other people, and they adjust their behavior and style to make others feel comfortable。
而“白金法則”是：對(duì)待他人的方式，就是他人希望被對(duì)待的方式，這就彌補(bǔ)了缺陷了。萬(wàn)人迷善于讀取他人的內(nèi)心所想，然后再調(diào)整自己的行為方式讓他人感覺到舒服。
3.They ditch the small talk。
3. 他們也會(huì)閑聊。
There’s no surer way to prevent an emotional connection from forming during a conversation than by sticking to small talk. When you robotically approach people with small talk this puts their brains on autopilot and prevents them from having any real affinity for you. Irresistible people create connection and find depth even in short, every day conversations. Their genuine interest in other people makes it easy for them to ask good questions and relate what they’re told to other important facets of the speaker’s life。
沒有比閑聊更能毀掉交談中產(chǎn)生情感聯(lián)系的方法了。當(dāng)你像機(jī)器人一樣生硬地與別人閑聊，別人只會(huì)覺得死板無(wú)趣，也不能與你建立多親密的聯(lián)系。而萬(wàn)人迷則不一樣，他們很善于建立聯(lián)系，甚至能從每天的短暫閑聊中發(fā)現(xiàn)深度的東西。他們對(duì)別人真誠(chéng)的關(guān)注能夠讓他們非常輕松地提出好問題，還能把交談內(nèi)容聯(lián)系到對(duì)方生活中的其他方面。
4.They focus on people more than anything else。
4. 比其他人更關(guān)注“人”。
Irresistible people possess an authentic interest in those around them. As a result, they don’t spend much time thinking about themselves. They don’t obsess over how well they’re liked, because they’re too busy focusing on the people they’re with. It’s what makes their irresistibility seem so effortless。
萬(wàn)人迷對(duì)身邊的人都保持真正的興趣，這就導(dǎo)致了他們很少為自己著想。他們不會(huì)沉迷于自己有多出色，因?yàn)樗麄兓ㄌ鄷r(shí)間在身邊的人身上了。這也就使得他們的不可抗拒性看起來(lái)是如此的毫不費(fèi)勁了。
To put this habit to work for you, try putting down the smart phone and focusing on the people you’re with. Focus on what they’re saying, not what your response will be, or how what they’re saying will affect you. When people tell you something about themselves, follow up with open-ended questions to draw them out even more。
把這種習(xí)慣應(yīng)用起來(lái)，然后放下你的手機(jī)，多關(guān)心身邊的人。留意他們說(shuō)話的內(nèi)容，而不是你的回應(yīng)，或他們的話對(duì)你的影響。當(dāng)別人跟你傾訴他自己的事情的時(shí)候，多提出開放式的問題讓對(duì)方給你更多信息。
5.They don’t try too hard。
5. 他們不是“拼命三郎”。
Irresistible people don’t dominate the conversation with stories about how smart and successful they are. It’s not that they’re resisting the urge to brag. The thought doesn’t even occur to them because they know how unlikeable people are who try too hard to get others to like them。
萬(wàn)人迷不會(huì)用華麗的故事吹噓自己的成就來(lái)獲得交談的主動(dòng)權(quán)。這并不是因?yàn)樗麄冊(cè)谝种拼祰u的欲望，而是他們甚至沒有想過這件事，因?yàn)樗麄冎�，那些想方設(shè)法成為與他們一樣的人是多么的不討喜。
6.They recognize the difference between fact and opinion。
6. 能夠區(qū)別事實(shí)與觀點(diǎn)的差異。
Irresistible people handle controversial topics and touchy subjects with grace and poise. They don’t shrink from sharing their opinions, but they make it clear that they’re opinions, not facts. Whether discussing global warming, politics, vaccine schedules, or GMO foods, irresistible people recognize that many people who are just as intelligent as they are see things differently。
萬(wàn)人迷能夠優(yōu)雅平靜地處理一切紛爭(zhēng)與敏感話題。他們不吝分享自己的觀點(diǎn)，但他們會(huì)強(qiáng)調(diào)這些都只是觀點(diǎn)，而不是事實(shí)。無(wú)論談?wù)摰脑掝}是氣候變暖，國(guó)家政治，還是疫苗接種程序，或者是轉(zhuǎn)基因食品，萬(wàn)人迷都能認(rèn)清智力水平相當(dāng)?shù)娜硕加懈髯圆煌挠^點(diǎn)的事實(shí)。
7.They are authentic。
7. 他們很真誠(chéng)。
Irresistible people are who they are. Nobody has to burn up energy or brainpower trying to guess their agenda or predict what they’ll do next. They do this because they know that no one likes a fake。
萬(wàn)人迷就是他們自己。別人不需要費(fèi)盡心思去揣測(cè)他們接下來(lái)的計(jì)劃是什么。他們這么真實(shí)，是因?yàn)樗麄冎罌]有人喜歡虛偽的人。
People gravitate toward authentic individuals because they know they can trust them. It’s easy to resist someone when you don’t know who they really are and how they really feel。
人們都受真誠(chéng)的人吸引，那是因?yàn)樗麄冎肋@些人值得信任。當(dāng)你無(wú)法真正地認(rèn)識(shí)一個(gè)人，也無(wú)法感受他的真實(shí)所想的時(shí)候，你很難與他交往。
8.They have integrity。
8. 他們都言行一致。
People with high integrity are irresistible because they walk their talk, plain and simple. Integrity is a simple concept but a difficult thing to practice. To demonstrate integrity every day, irresistible people follow through, they avoid talking bad about other people, and they do the right thing, even when it hurts。
誠(chéng)實(shí)正直的人常常都很受歡迎，那是因?yàn)樗麄兡軌蚵男谐兄Z，踏實(shí)，簡(jiǎn)單。言行一致說(shuō)起來(lái)很簡(jiǎn)單，但實(shí)踐起來(lái)很難。萬(wàn)人迷每天都保持言行一致，避免說(shuō)別人的壞話，甚至在造成傷害時(shí)也能很好地處理。
9.They smile。
9. 保持笑容。
People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to. If you want people to find you irresistible, smile at them during conversations and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result。
人們常常會(huì)自然地(和無(wú)意地)反思對(duì)方交談時(shí)的肢體語(yǔ)言。如果你想給吸引他人，那么在交談的時(shí)候多微笑，然后對(duì)方就會(huì)無(wú)意識(shí)地給你相應(yīng)的反饋并且感覺良好。
10.They make an effort to look their best (just not too much of an effort)。
10.適度保持自己的最佳狀態(tài)。
There’s a massive difference between being presentable and being vain. Irresistible people understand that making an effort to look your best is comparable to cleaning your house before company comes—it’s a sign of respect for others. But once they’ve made themselves presentable, they stop thinking about it。
光潔體面與奢華虛榮之間的差別是非常大的。萬(wàn)人迷能夠清楚認(rèn)識(shí)，花點(diǎn)心思保持最佳狀態(tài)就好比同事到家做客前的大掃除——都是對(duì)他人的尊重。不過一旦他們形成這種光彩照人的習(xí)慣，他們就不必再花費(fèi)心思在這上面了。
11.They find reasons to love life。
11. 尋找生活的樂趣，熱愛生活。
Irresistible people are positive and passionate. They’re never bored, because they see life as an amazing adventure and approach it with a joy that other people want to be a part of。
萬(wàn)人迷都是積極樂觀，充滿激情的。他們永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)感到疲憊，因?yàn)樗麄儼焉町?dāng)作一次奇妙的冒險(xiǎn)旅程，并帶著快樂去探索，感染身邊的人，以致別人也想成為其中的一員。
It’s not that irresistible people don’t have problems—even big ones—but they approach problems as temporary obstacles, not inescapable fate. When things go wrong, they remind themselves that a bad day is just one day, and they keep hope that tomorrow or next week or next month will be better。
然而萬(wàn)人迷并不是沒有煩惱的，甚至是很嚴(yán)重的煩惱，但是他們把這些煩惱當(dāng)作暫時(shí)性的障礙，而不是不可擺脫的命運(yùn)。當(dāng)事情亂了套，他們會(huì)提醒自己，糟糕的一天也只是一天而已，他們?nèi)匀粫?huì)對(duì)明天或下周，或下個(gè)月充滿希望，相信一切會(huì)好起來(lái)。
Bringing it all together。
小結(jié)
Irresistible people did not have fairy godmothers hovering over their cribs. They’ve simply perfected certain appealing qualities and habits that anyone can adopt as their own.They think about other people more than they think about themselves, and they make other people feel liked, respected, understood, and seen. Just remember: the more you focus on others, the more irresistible you’ll be。
萬(wàn)人迷沒有仙女教母為他們搖搖藍(lán)，他們僅僅是完善了某些吸引人的特質(zhì)和習(xí)慣，其實(shí)每個(gè)人都可以借鑒。他們?cè)诤跛硕嘤谠诤踝约海麄兣ψ屗烁惺艿较矏�，尊重，理解和關(guān)注。只需要記住：你越留意他人，你就越有魅力。
